Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis (TA), famously said: “No change occurs without a contract.” He emphasized that a contract is not a formality but a catalyst for transformation. It’s a mutual agreement about desired outcomes—where each participant understands why they are here, what they want to achieve, and what responsibilities they carry.
In TA, contracts are built on three distinct levels:
Administrative — covers logistics: where, when, how often, under what conditions, and at what cost the meetings occur.
Professional — addresses the content of the work: the client’s request, objectives, and structure of collaboration.
Psychological — brings to light underlying expectations, inner scenarios, and potential resistances that might either support or hinder progress.
This structured approach aligns remarkably well with the standards of the International Coaching Federation (ICF). One of the eight ICF Core Competencies is Establishes and Maintains Agreements—a process of co-creating a clear, intentional, and accountable foundation for the coaching relationship.
A contract in TA must be:
Clear: both parties understand and agree on what is being established.
Bilateral: formed collaboratively, not imposed unilaterally.
Doable: the goals must be realistic and achievable within the given format.
Such a contract ensures not only effectiveness but also emotional and professional safety. It becomes a space of trust, mutual respect, and maturity—not a constraint but a supportive structure.
It’s important to understand that contracting happens on two levels: an overarching contract for the entire coaching process, and a focused contract for each individual session.
The overall contract defines the direction, scope, and intended outcomes of the full journey. The session-by-session contract focuses on the client’s current state, immediate goals, and specific context. This dual-layer approach adds both flexibility and relevance to the work.
When the book, I’m OK – You’re OK by Tom and Amy Harris first came out it struck a nerve. People want to feel OK, and they want to feel OK about other people too. The question was, how to do that? Hierarchies and cultural biases say otherwise. Some people are more OK than others, no? The official line, at least in the US and other democracies, is that we are all equal. But psychologically and behaviorally, we enact one-up and one-down feelings and actions.
The wonderful thing about Transactional Analysis, or TA, is that it provides a roadmap to living in an I’m OK – You’re OK – and They’re OK lifestyle. Our work as Transactional Analysts is to weed out our not-OK feelings and beliefs, and grow our ability to accept ourselves and others.
Accepting ourselves doesn’t mean we don’t want to change. Yes, we are changing and growing out of learned patterns and ingrained social constructs so that we can enjoy the much happier feelings of OKness. We can avoid passing limiting beliefs to our children, our partners, and our communities. We can turn idealism into reality through empowering beliefs and behaviors.
To do that, we uncover the sources of our early decisions, get in touch with what’s possible today, and practice being OK with ourselves and others. Eric Berne, MD, whose book Games People Play was wildly popular, promoted the idea that we didn’t need to have a doctorate to understand ourselves and our psyches. He created TA with simple language that we can all understand and use.
OKness is a statement that all people are born with inherent dignity and worth. Whatever we experience and decide after that is a response to what we experience in our early years. Then we live out those decisions, even though our toddler selves had no idea there was a world beyond our families and that we would be capable of much more as we grew up.
TA covers everything from those early decisions to the games we play to reinforce them and the life scripts that have predetermined, often negative, outcomes.
OKness is about outgrowing the early limiting decisions, reinforcing our ability to honor our deepest selves as well as the value of other people, and creating the lives we want to live in the world to which we want to belong. The simple language of TA can be deceptive. It addresses life’s persistent questions and supports health for oneself and in relationships. It is useful at home, at work, and in community life.
One way to learn about TA and begin to apply it is to complete the basic TA Practitioner Course (TAP), approximately fifty hours of study and application, with support for using it in your life and in your profession. To learn more about becoming a TAP, click here.
SAD NEWS: As we post this we have learned of the passing of Jack Dusay. It was fortunate that he was able to join us for a portion of the elders gathering just a month ago.
A ZOOM GATHERING OF ELDERS
On March 22, 2025, more than thirty of us who have been involved with TA since the 1960’s, 70’s, and 80’s spent two hours sharing our journeys and reconnecting with each other. The original plan was to break out into smaller discussion groups, but it turned out that people’s stories were so interesting, we decided to stay in a large group for the whole time. While it’s too much to include everything here, the recording is available for those who would like to hear everyone.
People’s introductions to TA were widely varied; many were working in mental health or educational settings and it was usually a colleague who suggested they check out this new approach from Eric Berne, MD, in California. Some in the group, Carol Solomon, Jack Dusay, Pamela Levin, and Marian Weisberg, knew Eric Berne and were part of the San Francisco Social Psychiatry Seminars. They have all helped develop the theory. Marian talked about bringing TA to New York City and founding a group practice there. Jack thanked Carol Solomon for her leadership in creating the Eric Berne Archives at the UCSF Library.
A good number had been introduced to TA through Bob and Mary Goulding. John McNeel mentioned his initial encounter with Bob, considering him the smartest man he had ever heard, and said Bob’s belief in the effectiveness of psychotherapy in ending war resonated with him. John, Waldemar Gies, Felipe Garcia, Inger Acking, Reiko True, and Vann Joines were all students of the Gouldings.
Lucy Freedman came into TA initially via Jacqui Schiff and Harry Rose of the Reparenting or Cathexis School of TA, studied at Southeast Institute, and continues to be active in NATAA and the newly-established ITAA Foundation. Lucy, Felipe, and Gaylon Palmer, who is actively practicing in Sacramento, CA, all came into TA while working in public education.
Val Chang, a longtime practitioner and professor of Social Work, was invited to attend a conference by colleagues and then took her kids along and put them into a TA I’m OK, you’re OK Nursery school for three weeks while studying with Hedges Capers, whom she had met at the conference. Val was instrumental in developing the modules program in Jamaica that has evolved into the TA Practitioner curriculum.
Carla Haimowitz discussed her 50-year journey, including her influence from Claude Steiner, her involvement in the Northern California Group Psychotherapy Society, and her work with various groups. She also mentioned her parents’ study on the effects of Rogerian therapy on ethnic prejudice.
Many other TA trainers who have passed were mentioned as being influential, including David Kupfer, Muriel James, Aaron Schiff, Josephine Lewis, and Hedges Capers.
Abe Wagner was invited to his first 101 by Jonathan Weiss and has spoken in every US state and many countries, well known for his books The Transactional Manager and Say It Straight or You’ll Show it Crooked. Abe remembers both Emily Ruppert and Denton Roberts as major TA contributors during that time.
Laurie Weiss first came along as “the wife” before deciding that she would enter training as well. Both Jonathan Weiss and Wayne Hart described the life-changing interventions they experienced and many others spoke of how TA has enriched their lives. Phil and Bobbie Barry talked about working with different TA therapists along the way, while Thomas Griggs described going through the Master’s Program at Southeast Institute in the beginning of his career and now focuses on Leadership. Ed Gurowitz is writing and teaching about leadership as well, with a new book out this year, Transformation: From Potential to Practice.
People’s contributions to TA continue to grow, both in theory and in sustaining what is now the North America TA Association, formerly USATAA. Janice Dowson from Canada and Gloria Noriega from Mexico have long been active in both ITAA and USATAA, and both helped us change our identity to include the entire continent. Brenda Schaeffer’s book. Is it Love or Is it Addiction, was a bestseller, and now she is leading the association as General Coordinator. Waldemar Gies has become a central part of the NATAA Council. Cedric Wood has innovated on the concept of ego states. Vann Joines not only leads Southeast Institute and is one of the best-known authors in TA, he is also conducting courses online for large groups in other countries.
John McNeel continues to develop his work on Injunctive Messages, which he has presented several times in NATAA Educational Workshops. Felipe Garcia continues to serve on the Council which he initiated in the 1980’s. Jonathan and Laurie Weiss now teach Logosynthesis, which they learned about through Nancy Porter-Steele and Curtis Steele.
Robin Fryer started out practicing and studying TA while in graduate school, then helped organize conferences, and eventually became editor of the ITAA Script and TA Journal, both of which she still manages with care.
As we concluded, Jack Dusay, an early ITAA President and source of the widely-used concept of egograms, thanked Christopher Zimmerman, who helped him get on the call, and reminded us of the importance of simplicity as a principle of TA.
Much more was shared as folks greeted old friends and some even met new people. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming. A future meeting where we remember and honor those who are no longer with us was proposed, to occur in about six months. Much appreciation to Felipe Garcia, Abe Wagner, and Val Chang for organizing and leading this meaningful event, and to Vann Joines and Lucy Freedman for helping make it happen.
Spring is a season of renewal—a time when nature awakens, fresh energy fills the air, and transformation happens all around us. Just as the earth sheds the old and embraces the new, organizations, teams, and relationships benefit from periodic renewal. Transactional Analysis offers powerful tools to help us refresh our perspectives, refine our communication, and revitalize our interactions.
This month, let’s explore how we can apply TA principles to renew the way we work, lead, and connect with those around us.
In any setting—whether at work or home—communication patterns can become ingrained over time. We fall into predictable ways of interacting—some productive, others limiting. TA helps us identify these patterns and introduce renewal into our conversations.
Exercise: The Transactional Audit
Over the next week, observe three conversations that feel repetitive or frustrating.
Identify which ego states (Parent, Adult, Child) were driving the exchange.
Ask: How can I shift to the Adult ego state to bring fresh energy into this conversation?
By stepping into a renewed communication approach, we create space for constructive dialogue and new outcomes.
Rewriting Family & Personal Scripts: Letting Go of Old Patterns
Just like organizations, families and individuals follow scripts—unspoken rules and patterns of behavior that may no longer serve them. Renewal involves recognizing these outdated scripts and making conscious changes.
Exercise: Family or Personal Script Renewal
Think about a family rule or personal habit that has been followed for years (e.g., “We must always eat dinner together, no matter what” or “I have to always be the responsible one”).
Discuss (or reflect) whether this rule or habit still supports growth and well-being.
Together, decide if it’s time to adjust, replace, or keep the script.
Breaking free from rigid scripts allows for greater flexibility, understanding, and personal renewal.
Reconnecting Through Positive Strokes
In TA, strokes are units of recognition that influence morale and motivation. A lack of positive strokes can lead to disconnection in relationships, whether at work or home.
Exercise: The 3:1 Stroke Challenge
For every critical stroke you give (constructive feedback or correction),
Offer three positive strokes (genuine appreciation, acknowledgment of effort, or recognition of improvement).
Observe how this shift renews relationships, whether in the workplace or at home.
A Season of Renewal in All Areas of Life
Just as spring refreshes the natural world, renewal in our professional, personal, and family environments is essential for long-term success and harmony. By resetting communication patterns, rewriting scripts, and fostering positive recognition, we create an atmosphere of adaptability, motivation, and fresh possibilities.
Love without power goes idle; power without love injures.*
Dr. Brenda Schaeffer
Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year where we are reminded to stop and think of the people we love. Of all the mysteries that enchant us, love may be the one most sought after. But we must not confuse love with sentimentality or physical love. Love is far greater. It is an energy that is free and available to all. It does not care what you look like, what you believe, what you do for a living, your gender orientation, and whether you are married, single or in a relationship at all. Love nourishes and is the most cost-effective medical insurance policy and the cheapest medicine there is. And there is no end to its supply. Love has been proven to improve the immune system, increase life expectancy, reduce depression, produce zestful children, nourish relationships, and induce feelings of calm, safety, and trust. And there is also growing scientific evidence that some of the things we pass off as love are bad for our health.
Love and relationships are not one and the same. Relationships are neutral places where we can express profound love, withhold love, distort love, mishandle love, or betray love. Most hearts have been injured in relationships, and it is an unhealed heart that is vulnerable to unhealthy attachments to people, romance, or sex, that lead to loneliness, disappointment, jealousy, heartbreak, power struggles, fear, hate, shame, abuse, and addictive love. A healthy love relationship, on the other hand, is “green and growing”. In it we are free to be who we are, to have our own thoughts, to disagree, to have needs and feelings and in an atmosphere of trust.
Think of the heart as having two sets of emotions. Lower emotions lead to conditions and expectations we place on the love we offer to others. It is conditional. The higher emotions of the heart express a deep unconditional love that invites us to reach out, nurture, embrace, celebrate, and give to those we love.
It makes sense for us to know the ways we express love. On this Valentine’s Day, reflect on how you express love to others. Here are some characteristics of healthy and unhealthy or addictive relationships. The greatest Valentine gift you can give to those you love, is to look at the signs of unhealthy attachment and see if there is one thing you can change to have healthier relationships. Then work on it. Look too, at the signs of healthy relationships and celebrate what you do well and do more of it. And remember, we can only change ourselves, but that change can invite a change in others.
