von Sommaruga Howard, T. (2019). Sociopolitical trauma: Forgetting, remembering, and group analysis. Transactional Analysis Journal, 49(4), 233-247. https://doi.org/10.1080/03621537.2019.1649846
Steiner, C. M. (1987). The seven sources of power: An alternative to authority. Transactional analysis journal, 17(3), 102-104. https://doi.org/10.1177/036215378701700309
Summerton, O. (1993). Three-dimensional transactional analysis: The drama triangle and the game pentagon. Transactional Analysis Journal, 23(1), 30-35. https://doi.org/10.1177/036215379302300103
Yanoshchuk, V., Burdukova, V., Artemenko, Y. & Olga Panteleimonova, O. (Producers). (2024). Train [Потяг] [Miniseries]. Ukrainian Producers Hub (UPHub) commissioned by the State Enterprise “Multimedia Platform for International Broadcasting of Ukraine.”
Correction Reference for the last, June, TA-Talk
Blomkamp, N. (Director). (2009). District 9 [Film]. QED International. WingNut Films. TriStar Pictures.
IESA presents its latest audio blog that focuses how Transactional Analysis can explain characters in a film and help predict the story outcomes.
Sources:
Berne, E. (1961/2015). Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. A Systematic Individual and Social Psychiatry. Martino Publishing. Mansfield Centre, CT.
Berne, E, (1969). Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships. Penguin.
Cameron, J. (Director). (2009). Avatar [Film]. 20th Century Fox.
Cornell, W. F. (2008). Explorations in Transactional Analysis. The Meech Lake Papers. TA Press, Pleasanton, CA.
Yanoshchuk, V., Burdukova, V., Artemenko, Y. & Olga Panteleimonova, O. (Producers). (2024). Train [Потяг] [Miniseries]. Ukrainian Producers Hub (UPHub) commissioned by the State Enterprise “Multimedia Platform for International Broadcasting of Ukraine.”
The First Strategic Session: Clarifying Direction Through Transactional Analysis
When a person comes to a strategic session with a coach or consultant, something important has usually happened internally.
They have reached a point where they cannot fully determine their direction alone. They may feel confused, stuck, or pulled in several directions at once. Sometimes they have goals but lack energy to pursue them. Sometimes they are unsure whether the goals they have are truly theirs.
The role of the coach or consultant in the first strategic session is not immediately to build a strategy. The first task is something more fundamental: to clarify the client’s starting point.
Before we decide where to go, we must understand where we actually are. Transactional Analysis (TA) provides a powerful framework for this process.
Why Clients Often Arrive in a “Confused State”
In many cases, when a client comes to a strategic consultation, their psychological state is not fully centered in the Adult ego state. Instead, part of their thinking may be influenced by the Child ego state. This does not mean something is wrong. In fact, it is natural.
The Child contains our desires, creativity, emotional energy, and impulses. Very often, genuine aspirations come from the Free Child — the part of us that wants to explore, create, build, and experience life.
However, goals can also come from another part of the Child: the Adapted Child. When goals originate from the Adapted Child, they are often influenced by:
family expectations
cultural norms
internalized rules about success
pressure to meet external standards
fear of disappointing others
In these cases, a person may say they want something — a career change, a business, a promotion, a specific lifestyle — but internally something does not move forward.
This is where symptoms often appear:
procrastination
lack of motivation
confusion about priorities
repeated stops in progress
a feeling of being stuck
From the outside it may look like the client “lacks discipline”. From a TA perspective, however, something deeper is happening. There may be internal conflict between ego states.
The First Task of the Strategic Session: Clarification
The first stage of the session is what we could call psychological clarification. The consultant and the client together explore questions such as:
Where are you now in your professional or personal situation?
What exactly feels unclear or stuck?
What do you think you want?
What makes it difficult to move toward it?
At this stage, the goal is not yet to create a strategy. The goal is awareness. Often the client begins to see that their goals may come from different internal voices.
For example, a client may say: “I want to start my own business, but every time I begin planning, I stop.”
When we explore further, we may discover:
a Free Child that wants independence and creativity
a Critical Parent saying “This is risky and irresponsible”
an Adapted Child trying to avoid making mistakes
These internal dynamics can create confusion and paralysis.
Working With Contamination in the Adult
In Transactional Analysis, we sometimes talk about contamination of the Adult ego state. This happens when the Adult — the part responsible for realistic thinking and decision-making — is mixed with beliefs or fears coming from the Parent or Child.
For example, a client may believe:
“If I change careers, I will disappoint my family.”
“Successful people must always work extremely hard.”
“If I fail once, it means I’m not capable.”
These beliefs often sound like objective reality to the client. However, they may actually originate from internalized parental messages. During the session, the consultant helps the client examine these beliefs:
Where did this idea come from?
Is it objectively true today?
Is it helping or limiting you?
This process gradually decontaminates the Adult, allowing the client to see the situation more clearly.
Exploring the Inner Parent
Another important part of the strategic session is identifying internal parental voices. The Critical Parent may say things like:
“You should already know what to do.”
“You must not fail.”
“That is unrealistic.”
These messages often create pressure or fear.
When these voices remain unexamined, the client may unknowingly organize their life around them.
Bringing these messages into awareness allows the client to begin separating inherited expectations from authentic desires.
Reconnecting With the Free Child
Once the internal pressures become clearer, space opens for another important question:
What does the Free Child actually want?
The Free Child is connected to:
curiosity
creativity
genuine interest
vitality
intrinsic motivation
Many strategic breakthroughs happen when clients reconnect with this part of themselves. Instead of pursuing goals that feel heavy or obligatory, they begin identifying goals that feel energizing and meaningful.
Returning to the Adult: The Moment Strategy Becomes Possible
Only after this clarification process does the strategic conversation truly begin. Now the client is more likely operating from a decontaminated Adult, supported by the energy of the Free Child rather than the pressure of the Adapted Child or the Critical Parent.
From this position, the client can realistically evaluate:
current resources
constraints
opportunities
next steps
At this stage, strategy becomes much clearer.
Instead of forcing decisions, the client can ask:
What direction makes sense for me now?
What is the first realistic step?
What resources do I already have?
What support might I need?
Sometimes this process leads to a longer coaching journey. But interestingly, in many cases one well-facilitated strategic session is enough. Once the client reconnects with their Adult and Free Child, they regain the ability to move forward independently.
The True Value of the First Strategic Session
The real value of the first strategic session is not simply creating a plan. It is helping the client move from confusion to clarity.
From the perspective of Transactional Analysis, the session supports the client in:
recognizing internal dynamics between ego states
separating inherited expectations from authentic goals
freeing the Adult from contamination
reconnecting with the energy of the Free Child
When this shift happens, strategy becomes much more than a plan. It becomes a conscious choice. And from that place, meaningful action becomes possible.
Three of us attended the Jamaica Gathering this year: Alyson, Jarvis, and me. For all of us, the decision to go was not automatic. In the months before the gathering, we engaged in thoughtful, ongoing debate about whether to attend or wait another year, considering the hurricane’s significant impact on Jamaica. We talked together about timing, readiness, and responsibility, and we took those questions seriously.
In the end, we decided to return together, guided by the belief that showing up thoughtfully, relationally, and with economic care could be supportive rather than intrusive. What followed confirmed for each of us that this choice was both ethical and welcomed.
Jarvis: Returning Relationships and Embodied Practice
For Jarvis and me, this was our second time attending the gathering in Jamaica, and that sense of continuity mattered. Jarvis experienced the week as a return to familiar relationships rather than a first visit. He especially valued reconnecting with local Jamaican people he had previously met, including Dean and Anthony. Seeing familiar faces reinforced a sense of mutual recognition and warmth that went beyond surface hospitality.
Professionally, Jarvis was particularly engaged with learning about mini scripts and time structuring. These concepts strongly resonated with his work as a massage therapist, where clarity of roles, pacing, and relational boundaries are vital to ethical practice. During his presentation for us, Jarvis provided a role-play demonstrating time structuring in massage therapy, working with Brendan, a local participant from Kingston. This demonstration grounded Transactional Analysis theory in real, physical experience and showed how relational frameworks remain relevant across different disciplines, not just within traditional counselling settings.
Dawn: Ethical Deliberation, Sensory Learning, Safety, and Place
For me, the most meaningful insight started even before we arrived. The ongoing debate about whether to attend lingered throughout the week. Once there, it became clearer that our presence was appreciated. We felt very safe, warmly welcomed, and treated with kindness and consideration. It was also obvious that local residents were benefiting from visitors returning and spending money in their community.
We made deliberate choices to support the local economy. We ate at local establishments, relied on local transportation, and enjoyed a great deal of jerk chicken along the way. One particularly memorable experience was our drive from Port Antonio to Kingston airport with local Ras Rad. Instead of a hurried transfer, he offered us a very relaxed, scenic drive, pointing out landmarks and taking us to a local food spot where we ate the best food of the entire trip. The drive itself felt personal and unhurried, reflecting the hospitality we experienced throughout the week.
It is also important to name the beauty of Port Antonio and the surrounding area. The landscape is stunning, lush, coastal, and vibrantly alive. The food culture stood out just as much. While we certainly enjoyed jerk chicken, the week offered a reminder that Jamaican cuisine goes far beyond what many visitors expect. We ate breadfruit, ackee—which, when cooked, resembles eggs—sweet potato cake, festivals, and richly spiced vegetable stews. These meals reflected care, history, and creativity, reinforcing that food itself is a form of cultural sharing and connection.
Learning was also profoundly influenced by location. Due to rainy weather, many sessions were held at one of the Frenchman’s Cove villas (where Lori stayed), offering stunning ocean views. Waves crashed forcefully against the rocks below, creating a steady, thunderous sound. Engaging with Transactional Analysis concepts while immersed in that sensory environment was unexpectedly powerful. The sounds, movement, and visual surroundings supported focus rather than distracting from it, reinforcing that learning is embodied and shaped by nervous system state, not just cognition.
Alyson: Perspective, Place, and Relational Value
Alyson’s main takeaway was the chance to meet and learn from a variety of perspectives within Transactional Analysis. Hearing how others understand and apply TA across different professional, cultural, and personal settings reinforced for her that TA remains a relational and evolving framework, shaped by those who use it rather than fixed by doctrine.
She was also deeply impacted by the venue itself. Frenchman’s Cove beach was experienced as spectacular in its natural beauty and atmosphere. At the same time, the facilities reflected what could be described as a faded glory, offering visible reminders of what once was. Rather than experiencing this as a limitation, Alyson experienced it as an important lesson. Gathering together with a shared purpose made it easier to focus on the place’s beauty and, more importantly, the beauty of the people. For her, the setting offered a quiet but powerful reminder to orient toward relational value rather than material polish, and to notice what is present rather than what is missing.
Alyson’s TA presentation reflected this relational focus. She presented on how tapping can strengthen the Adult ego state, offering conceptual clarity and practical tools that aligned well with the overall tone of the gathering.
Shared Learning, Giving, and Gratitude
The range of presentations reflected the depth and humanity of the week. Martha offered a presentation on Havening, which many of us found deeply nourishing and well aligned with Alyson’s work on strengthening the Adult ego state. Martha also extended her care beyond the conference room by bringing many brown dolls for Jamaican children, a gesture that carried cultural sensitivity and warmth.
Other sessions included my presentation on ethical charting of therapy sessions from a Transactional Analysis perspective; Lucy Freedman’s introduction to TA, followed by a detailed overview of scripts and time structuring; and Lori’s presentation on Integral Theory (drawing on Ken Wilber’s work) supported by colourful, hand-drawn flipchart posters. Together, these offerings balanced theory, practice, and creativity, illustrating how Transactional Analysis speaks to a wide and diverse audience.
As a group, we also arrived with large suitcases filled with clothing, donations, and solar lights, which we left behind to support local families. These gestures were modest in scale yet aligned with our intention to show up responsibly and relationally.
We were also honoured to be treated to guest appearances by local Jamaicans. Mama G joined us, bringing warmth and presence, and Akin offered a sound bathing experience that added a grounding, embodied dimension to the week.
During one of the group lunches, we were delighted by a visit from Galvin Weston, whose father was the original developer of Frenchman’s Cove and is now its owner. He stopped by to say hello and to share reflections on the long-standing friendship his father had with the Transactional Analysis community, a connection that helped shape TA gatherings being held at Frenchman’s Cove. His visit offered a quiet reminder of the relational history that underpins this work and this place.
We also want to thank locals Pauline and Brendan for attending again; Ulla, who has attended 13 times; and Carol, whose presence reminded us of the importance of welcoming new voices into this learning community. Most importantly, we thank Lucy Freedman, who poured countless hours into making this gathering happen. From preparation to on-site coordination, she managed the many moving parts with care, steadiness, and grace. Thank you, Lucy, for your time, dedication, and ongoing commitment to NATAA.
Closing Reflections
Returning to Jamaica this year reaffirmed that thoughtful presence matters. Our shared debate about whether to attend ultimately deepened our understanding of how we present ourselves as learners, guests, and professionals. We left feeling revitalized, welcomed, and assured that our presence made a positive impact. Once again, this TA gathering showed that learning about TA is grounded in relationship, responsibility, and place – all of which can be personally enriching, professionally meaningful, and ethically sound.
Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination. – Voltaire
At a certain point in our relationships, we need to stop looking at the negative aspects of it and focus on what we can do right versus what we do wrong. We can change our focus and start giving from the best part of who we are. And I am not suggesting we deny problems but if we have experienced the best in another person and them us, we will naturally begin to solve problems or communicate with more caring, respect, and trust. In my couple therapy, I often use the Life Script* (a Transactional Analysis theory) to help each person improve their understanding of themselves and how to better communicate with their partner.
Here are some skills that put more heart into a relationship.
Do what you see lacking in the relationship and unconditionally: if you feel ignored, give attention to your partner; if you want a back rub, offer to give one; if you want excitement, be exciting; if you want support, be supportive.
Let your partner know the ways he/she encourages your growth and express appreciation for the good things your partner gives to you and the relationship or family.
Commit to positive change (and stop trying to change the other). Own your unhealthy habits or shortcomings that negatively impact the relationship and let your partner know what you will change. (You secretly know that you are, like others, humanly imperfect).
Make amends. When you have hurt your partner with words or actions, own it, and apologize from the heart (from regret and remorse vs from shame and guilt)
Make giving special. Each person makes a list of ten things he/she would value receiving from your partner. Exchange the lists and once a week choose something on the list and spontaneously give it.
Create rituals, repetitive actions or activities that provide a sense of security and affirm the importance of your bond. If you do not have one, create one.
Create private time. True emotional closeness blooms when individuals have uninterrupted time to share feelings, thoughts, dreams, play, affection. A rule of thumb: an hour of positive emotional closeness a day keeps troubles away.
Nourish the relationship: express appreciation and thanks; give without expectations; learn to really listen; practice flexibility; accept disappointment; manage conflict without hostility; accept reality; let go of expectations.
The following is a story that describes how the sharing of these skills transformed her relationship. But as the story indicates, this did not occur naturally. She and her partner both took time to work on themselves and explored their personal Life Script before they were able to share these readily. If you find these behaviors difficult to do, perhaps it is time to find out why.
Kerry ‘s Story
When we first saw a couple’s counselor, I was a bit miffed when after seeing me and Dan three times, she asked us to take time to do individual therapy so we could each learn what we brought to the relationship. She called it a “Life Script.” Since we seemed to get nowhere in couples’ sessions and focused more on what was wrong with the other, we agreed to it. Change and insight did not happen overnight, but it did happen.
Getting into our story, or Life Script, was quite a trip. We were shocked to learn how many traumas we had and how they got triggered in the relationship. We learned that neither of us had good self-esteem before we met and that’s why we personalized about everything our partner said or did.
But since this story is about improving relationships, let us say that we both stayed in therapy long enough to have good insight into ourselves and we were ready to bring what we learned into couple work. I was nervous because it had not gone well before. Emotional intimacy had been a challenge for both of us and the drama had filled the void and kept us connected, as negative as it had been.
By digging into our stories, we realized how few healthy relationship skills we had. We were trying to solve a 100-piece puzzle with a hand full of the pieces, and some pieces were not even healthy. We were now open to learning new relationship skills and put them in our relationship bank.
Hearing Dan affirm me instead of criticizing me was amazing. Making sincere amends when we hurt the other with words and actions was healing. Not a curt ‘I am sorry’ but to hear a genuine ‘What I said or did to you was mean and you did not deserve that.’ Wow.
We took time each week to talk about what went right and what we appreciated about the other. We also had a conflict resolution agreement so we could safely bring up hard subjects and take turns talking while the other one listened. And when things got heated, we took a break with the understanding we would come back when we were in a better place to hear each other.
There were other things that helped rebuild trust and closeness. When Dan went out of town for work or meetings, I would write him a note that was not to be opened until he arrived at his destination. He did one wonderful thing for me each week. These little gestures had big results. We learned that what each wanted from the other was vastly different. We became more realistic in our expectations and understood that we had unique personalities and life experiences and accepted those differences. We made special time for the relationship and learned that sincere giving was as fulfilling as receiving.
There was a new kind of love emerging, a love that said, “I am not perfect, but I am willing to continue growing to become the best partner I can be.” “I am willing to look at my behaviors and how they affect you.” And this is a love that will last.**
*A Life Script comes from Transactional Analysis theory, and it refers to an unconscious life plan that has a beginning, a middle and a predictable ending and that, according to the late Eric Berne, MD., decides who we will love and how we will love.
**Adapted from Is It Love or Is It Addiction? by Brenda Schaeffer
No sooner do we begin to know other people than we discover their broken heart. – Jacob Needleman
Trauma refers to an event or series of events that cause psychological or emotional harm to an individual. Understanding its forms, symptoms, and impact can help us begin the healing process. Trauma, particularly childhood trauma, does not have to be extreme to have an impact.
Four types of Trauma*
Trauma of Omission is subtle, often overlooked, and refers to when our emotional, physical, or developmental needs are not met because of neglect, circumstances, or lack of knowledge.
Trauma of Commission is less subtle, common, and refers to times when things are said and done to us as children that never should have been said or done—name calling, harsh punishments, shaming.
Shock Trauma is less common and refers to a time when we experience an unusual event we are not prepared for nor have control over—death of a parent, a serious illness, witnessing a violent act in the family, bullying.
Post-Traumatic Stress is the most serious and occurs when we experience a catastrophic life event out of our control—kidnapping, rape, war atrocities, witness to a murder, a natural disaster.
In both Shock and PTSD, we are catapulted into another reality so rapidly that our psyche cannot make sense of it and floods us emotionally. Many responses occur.
Trauma Responses
efforts to numb or block out feelings
ignoring the trauma by splitting off (dissociating)
need for high arousal experiences to feel alive or avoid unpleasant feelings
depriving self especially around success or out of guilt
re-enactment of trauma or projecting past onto the present
dysfunctional attachments or conflictual ties with people
difficulty trusting self, others, or life itself
anxiety and depression
Life Script Formation
It is not our fault that we were traumatized, and we could not help but be impacted. When a child’s needs are not realized, when cruel words are said, when a child finds herself alone in a traumatic moment, the child feels helpless or abandoned. Not having the perceived power or words to stand up for herself, a loss of trust sets in. In the language of transactional analysis, the child inside of us makes important decisions and comes to certain conclusions:
“My feelings and needs don’t matter”
“It’s not safe to be close”
“I’m not important”
“I must be bad”
“People disappoint me”
“Life is scary”
“I will never trust again”
A life script is set in motion. This personal unconscious plan has a beginning, a middle, and a predictable ending. And that ending will support our core beliefs and life decisions unless we uncover and change them.
In Is It Love or Is It Addiction? I state that trauma results in a violation of trust, the base foundation of healthy relationships and life itself. Our instinct is to want connections and success but because of trust violations we also fear the very thing we desire. Childhood trauma, if unresolved, can impair our esteem or will lead us to intimacy disorders such as love addiction.
The stories that follow speak to the four types of trauma, the formation of life script, and how each person’s trauma and script fed off the other.
Lindsay’s Story
I unknowingly married a man who was prone to having affairs. Furious when this came out, I blamed many of our relationship problems on him. He broke the trust; he had to change. Then I began to blame myself and saw his actions as a statement about me. I was the one who felt unimportant, unattractive, and stupid. And though I could justify these thoughts via Kevin’s actions, I couldn’t stop them even when our relationship started to heal. They were deep. I finally got help. My therapist suggested I look at what was going on inside of me that kept getting triggered in the relationship.
As I got into my story, I realized that my past experience was the filter through which I viewed myself and Kevin. I really thought I had a good childhood. Then I started to remember. I remembered being ignored and feeling lonely. I remembered being verbally abused by my older brother. When I asked my parents for help, they blew it off. I decided that what my brother said about me must be true.
The feelings I had back then were exactly what I felt when I learned about the affairs. Every time we had an argument, in my mind I heard Kevin saying, “Lindsay you are stupid” or “Your opinion isn’t important to me.” I would take it one step further and hear “And I am going to leave you for someone who is more attractive than you.” I had been working hard to change Kevin to be the partner that would affirm what my family did not affirm. I realized I had to heal my trauma, and I had to believe in my importance, intelligence, and beauty.
Kevin’s Story
I didn’t know I had a problem until I realized I married the woman I loved, but I couldn’t stop my affairs. Going into recovery was the condition of Lindsay staying in the marriage. At first, I took the brunt of the problems in our relationship because I broke trust. But after being in therapy for a year, I realized we both brought stuff from the past to our relationship. I hate to admit to the cliché, but Lindsay did remind me of my mother. Though she didn’t say it aloud, I heard her saying “You are really bad.”
I went headlong into my trauma history. I had a tough time feeling anything in life except excitement, but I thought this was a guy thing. But I had been shut down for years. As I got into my ‘script’ I started to remember things and emotions I didn’t know I had —terror, rage, grief. I shook and teared up when I remembered when I was forced to watch my dad beat my brother and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I remembered my mother tying me to bed for hours. I was terrified, but then I went somewhere else in my mind and shut down my feelings.
Such experiences led me to believe that I was bad and that my feelings didn’t matter. Waiting for Lindsay to magically rescue me proved futile. Her trauma collided with mine. There has always been legitimate love in our relationship but there was also a hidden need to fix our wounds. Of course, we did not know this. Now we talk about our triggers when we recognize them, and we are learning to appreciate the little boy and little girl in each of us who has a story to tell.
Excerpts from Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Third Edition
*The first three types of trauma are my personal descriptions and may be in the diagnostic manual under different headings. PTSD is in the DSM 5 diagnostic manual.
